George Costanza Is My Spirit Animal
George Costanza has been misread. Hellbeing makes the case that he was actually operating from a ...
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Sensitivity as a Weapon of Mass Control
Your inability to emotionally survive a sentence is not everybody else's social responsibility.
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Shape-shifting Identities and the Costume Contest
Not a hat he owns. A hat bought that Friday, worn for one night, and now living on a shelf until ...
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Crying for the Camera and the Sympathy It Buys
Somebody set up a phone. Before the crying started, a decision was made about framing.
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Another Asshole (Everyone Has Opinions)
Everybody has an asshole. Almost nobody is walking around showing it to strangers.
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The Stranglehold of Structured Activities
The assumption that your Saturday belongs to them is so total that saying no requires a reason, w...
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The Revolting Reality of 10 Liquid Sugars in Coffee
That is not coffee. Coffee has not been in the room for some time.
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Acrylic Nails Making Everyone Miserable
There is a woman at the register trying to pick up a quarter and it has been eleven seconds.
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Sidewalks Exist. Use Them. Direct Attack.
Somebody surveyed it, funded it, and poured it. It exists for exactly one reason and he is standi...
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Eating Popcorn With Your Mouth Open
A theater is the last room where a hundred adults agreed to be quiet at the same time. That is th...
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Loud Chewing Is Disgusting and Annoying. Stop It.
Nobody will say it, which is why he's still doing it at forty.
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Your Kid Is Not 23 Months Old. They're Almost 2.
The line is twelve months. After that we have years, and we have had years for the entire documen...
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No One Cares About Your Thought Leadership
It is what you call it when you have opinions and would like a crowd for them.
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Live, Laugh, Lobotomy: The Tragedy of Sign Art
Somebody bought a wooden board that said Live Laugh Love, hung it up, and then did not take it do...
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People Who Walk Slow in Public Need to Be Stopped
They cannot see the backup because it is behind them. From where they are standing they are simpl...
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The Cha Cha Slide Is Adult Hooked on Phonics
It is not a song. It is a set of instructions with a beat under it, and everyone agrees afterward...
